Friday, 17 April 2015

poem 2: How Cows Die

How Cows Die

Cows die in strange ways
And in numbers you wouldn't believe
Freak accidents involving trains
And diseases would make you heave

All this stuff must be written down
To keep the records straight
There's people have to read these tales
Of bovine ladies' fates

Potatoes can be lethal when lodged in Daisy's throat
Running too fast down a hill, can drown you in a moat
Sometimes a cow can fester for weeks
And trust me dead old cow can really reek.

At times a cow can be a danger
To the man who runs the farm
And so that cow is put to sleep
To save farmers from harm.

Cows can have a hard life 
To hang themselves they have been known,
Not sure how they do it
Do they tie the noose on their own?

Its the numbers that astound me
Thousands peg it each day
Why I never see dead beasts around me
When I'm out on a walk in May?

The one case in particular worried me 
The record said something odd
The cow had been "Killed by ET"
This was no act of God.

© Joanne Oliver

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Poem 1 : The Allotment

The Allotment

Its taken 18 years for me to find my peace with you
The weeds the dirt the damned hard work
You seldom give me food.

Dandelions don't taste bad or nettles in a stew
But why can't I get brassicas
or carrots to come though?

Greens feel the teeth of caterpillars
Radishes get munched by slug
Carrots, even if I plant them high
get fly in the soil I dug.

Potatoes, they've had goodish years
I got a bowl not lots.
But why bother with onions
When they're cheaper down the shops?

Fruit has worked out better
Some years a glut of jam
Without that I would jack it in.
Does mole meat taste like Spam?

Yes moles I grow plenty of those
And large and  muscular snails
I think they might taste quite divine
Cooked with garlic, served with ale.

©Joanne Oliver 2015